I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
