im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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