We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
