so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
