I didn't shave. On purpose
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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