dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
