drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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