this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
