You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
