so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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