Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
