May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
pray to the hookup gods
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
