we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
