i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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