I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
