the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
