I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
