my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
