i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
