Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
