No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
