people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
