Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
