Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
