I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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