He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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