TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
