Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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