I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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