in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
