i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
