i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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