Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want her autograph on my taint
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
