ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
