just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
