I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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