My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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