maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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