Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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