UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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