please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
