she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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