i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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