is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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