if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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