I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
