rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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