Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
