so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You were trust falling into bushes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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