Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
