So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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