Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
