who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
