just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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