it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize