he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize