Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
