i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
