It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
