My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
