how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
