your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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