I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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