Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize