It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she peed on how many people?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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