i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
