do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
