Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize