I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
