Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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