This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it was like eating out sand paper
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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