Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
