i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
