Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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